I am not okay.

We are heading to Cleveland soon.

The shloshim (30 days after passing) is coming up for the terrible tragedy that occurred in January.

Where a close friend, one I regarded almost as a brother, took his one last flight.

I’m still reeling in shock.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. And then I remember he is gone. I imagine his terrifying final moments.

And I yell at him.

You’d have to understand him more to understand that last statement.

He’s probably yell at himself too about it. If he was still here.

The world is a darker place without him.

There have been memorial posts by current and former employees; people like Pablo M. Prieto, Dovid Rotshtein.

The posts were beautiful, but no post can do his life Justice.

He was larger than life in every way imaginable.

Funny, energetic, helpful, kind, stern when necessary….

In so many ways he changed the world around him.

And now the world is a darker place.

I called him a few months ago about the situation I’m going through right now. To ask for help.

“Absolutely, I’ll ________.”

He offered to do things within his power.

Just like that.

And still I can’t believe he’s gone.

Though I’m but a periphery on the long list of people who will find it immensely hard to move forward without him, I can’t ignore my own pain due to someone else’s pain being stronger.

Dammit, Ben, what the hell?!?!? (There I go again, yelling at him).

I’ll miss you Ben.

Your jokes, your heart, your caring, your help, the fact that you were constantly focused on being a hero to all whom you could help.

And most of all, being a hero to your wife and children.

The world will miss you.

May your memory be for a blessing.